This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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