i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
