Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
