2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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