how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
