I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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