I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
