I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Everyone says I win the strip club
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
