We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
