I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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