your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
