Tell her she can't have a vagina
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
