I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Randomize
