lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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