I feel great
I just peed on a car
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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