I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I die, sorry about rent.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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