You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
