I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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