I murdered the dance floor call the cops
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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