how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize