there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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