i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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