so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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