i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
