I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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