it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
