my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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