If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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