so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
