Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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