i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
