For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
