My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
