The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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