What a fucking waste of an outfit
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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