just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
