i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
