He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
