You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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