You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
