this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize