Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
