I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
