Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
