i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize