he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize