It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Girls should come with a carfax report
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
