i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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