U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
