as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
