Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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