Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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