Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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