Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
