You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
