I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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