I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pooping to opera.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
