I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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