just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize