I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
