Your face is a jimmy john
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
