I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Shame - the story of my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
