she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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