whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
