She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
