Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
