They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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