Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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