You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
