Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
