Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize