Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Mom said you looked used
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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