it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
