Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
