Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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