the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
