Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He better not be in your backpack
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
