It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this boner is exhausting
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
