so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
