Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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