i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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