she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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