Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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