I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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