In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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