It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were trust falling into bushes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
