just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
