and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
