I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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