I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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