Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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