so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
