okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
