things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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