True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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