I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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